Шутка для дам;)

[Ланита]

A married couple in their early 60's was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.' The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.


The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female...

[KESHA]

Сообщение от Ланита

...for being loving to each other for all this time, .

The fairy is Nigerian ?

[SCHATZ]

Продолжим тему.

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain ... do whatever he tells you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.

[Alice]

Gina returned from a doctor's visit one day and told her husband
that the doctor said she only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, she asked him to make love to her.

Of course he agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later Gina went to him again, and said,
'Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live.
Maybe we could make love again?' Pat agreed and again they made love.
Later Gina was getting into bed when she realized she now had only eight hours of life left.

she touched Pat's shoulder and said, Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die.'

he agreed, then afterward he rolled over and fell asleep.

Gina, however, heard the clock ticking in her head,

and she tossed and turned until she was down to only four more hours.

She tapped her husband on the shoulder to wake him up.

Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?'

Her husband sat up abruptly, turned to her and said,

'Listen Gina', I'm not being funny ....... but I have to get up in the morning and you don't.'

Alice добавил 30.09.2008 в 14:17
Attorney

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight .
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'what time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?' 'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it, and on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang.
The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted astay of execution after all.
Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
To which he whirled around and screamed:


'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?'