В суде...

[Kvietok]

Такого кажись еще не было

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts , and are

things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and

now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm

while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I , Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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ATTORNEY: Are you s * exually active?

WITNESS: No , I just lie there.

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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at

all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget..

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you

forgot?

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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in

voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.

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ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his

sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?

WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.

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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you sh * itting me?

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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th ?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting l * aid

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ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor , I think I need a different attorney. Can I get

a new attorney?

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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a

deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No , this is how I dress when I go to work.

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ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on

dead people?

WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.

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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

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And last:


ATTORNEY: Doctor , before you performed the autopsy , did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So , then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure , Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see , but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes , it is possible that he could have been alive and

practicing law.